speak to the self.

.
.
.
i am dark, but lovely.
dark, but lovely.

-Solomon

Solitude's Desperation

..

He wants me. All of me.
In His eyes, I have always been perfect.
His desire burns for me.

....

Work ends. The same journey home begins.
The wind down. The frustration of small
town drivers who pretend they know what
city driving is like...  But this time, I forget
about the routine.  He is calling me.

The longest route home has become my new
dream... My heart floods with so much to
say to my King. Like a friend I haven't quite
opened up to in awhile....it all pours out so
easily. Every word drenched in desperation
for Him - for His presence, His purpose, His
love.

Forever changed by His love. How much easier
could it be said? I watched the sun set through
the wide open sky - deep colours that caught my
attention reminding me of Your unchanging faithfulness.
I have been ruined. I will never want another the way
I desire You. I know when I need peace - You are
Peace. When I need to settle down - You become
my Hiding Place. You meet me - before words
leave my mouth. You hear the deep of me long before
it surfaces.

I know in You - I am standing on solid ground.
I know in You - I am beautiful.
I know in You - nothing else matters. Though
things don't go my way. Though I do not half-
the-time understand. Though I become insecure.
Though I fear.

You make my world secure.
You make my world calm.
You call my mess beautiful.
Only You.
You have ruined me.

...

Find me here in my insecurities.
Where my mind and heart and body
can't seem to rest. Find me here amidst
the noise and chaos. Find me here...
ruin me with Your love.




..

Untitled 9

Be at rest, o my soul.
Quiet down.
Slow down inwardly and wait.
Breathe.
Trust.

Rest.

Your ways are higher than mine.
You are so good - even in the midst of
what seems bad.

Trust. I remind myself of all that You
have done.

May I learn to give thanks in unrequited
desire.

The Desert Has Not Ended

Anyone know any good music
that you can cry to? I am so in
need of a good cry - too, too
much has happened all at once.
Though I trust the goodness of
Father - I am still trying to process
this turn in my life.
So deep in my soul, I know and
trust the faithfulness of God.
Inwardly, my words are few. I
don't know if I have any....


.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .




And what is with DESIRE?
It burns deep. There are moments
I do not know how to bear such
a big burden.
DESIRE.
It leaves me speechless and at the
same time - moved to intercession.
Intercession with no words.
Probably more powerful than I could
fathom.

I am at a loss on all sides.
I trust the timing of words again.
I trust my life (and my families lives)
to Your hands, King.
Meet me here in this desert.

May I run to only You.